12 New Year’s Resolutions for Prescotians

By on Tuesday, December 31, 2013

new years resolutions prescotForget detoxing, dieting and ditching the fags. Prescot Online has 12 resolutions every self-respecting Prescotian needs to follow in 2014.

  1. Count to 10 while taking deep breaths before responding to anyone who refers to “Prescot in Liverpool.”
  2. Carry a red pen everywhere, ready to correct anyone who spells “Prescot” as “Prescott.”
  3. Put 10 pence in a tin every time you utter the words “Bloody Knowsley Council!” (Great way to save up for an expensive holiday.)
  4. Do not blame the council when you stub your toe on the couch, your cat does a whoopsie or anything else happens that is clearly not within the jurisdiction of local government.
  5. Alternate your meat shopping between Devlin’s and Yates Greer, because that is a battle of the butchers that no side can ever win.
  6. For every five Ray’s pork pies consumed, purchase a sixth and donate it to charity.
  7. When in London, resist the urge to walk through Fortnum & Mason declaring loudly, “Ray’s is well better – and cheaper.” (Okay, you can get away with it once, since it’s technically true, but no more.)
  8. Do not resort to slapping or verbal abuse while looting the snacks aisle at Home Bargains.
  9. Refrain from claiming Daniel Craig as a Prescotian (at least until the verdict is in), especially when you can boast of crooner and Brookside star Danny McCall as Prescot’s number one legend.
  10. Keep a paper bag next to your armchair to prevent hyperventilation when Prescot gets a mention on Granada Reports or North West Tonight.
  11. Do not repeat any of the following incorrect Prescot facts: a) Shakespeare was born in Prescot; b) Nelson won the Battle of Waterloo in Prescot; c) Prescot was once the centre of the British Empire.
  12. If you ever get depressed because Prescot no longer has the BICC, Scotchbarn Baths or the witch’s hat at Preccy Reccy, head straight for the Welly, the Clock or the Royal Oak and down a pint… and everything will be all right.

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